Saturday, June 21, 2014

Praise for Women over 50

I had a birthday yesterday.
A little bit over 50.
Ahem -- a bit over 64, too.
(cue Beattles music, "Will you still need me/ Will you still feed me/  when I'm 64?")

Some of you reading this will remember Andy Rooney, who always had the last word on the news program -- 60 Minutes.  I've been going over my old email and discovered a quote from him that my sister sent me in 2004:

 What Andy Rooney says about women over 50

Andy Rooney says.... "As I grow in age, I value women who are over 50 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

An over 50 woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If an over 50 woman doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it's usually something more interesting.

An over 50 woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants, and from whom. Few women past the age of 50 give a darn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

An over 50 woman usually has had her fill of "meaningful relationships" and commitment." The last thing she wants in her life is another dopey, clingy, whiny, dependent lover.

Over 50 women are dignified. They seldom have screaming matches with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Over 50 women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

An over 50 woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. A woman over 50 woman couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an over 50 woman. They always know.

An over 50 woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women.

Over 50 women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Ladies, we praise over 50 women for a multitude of reasons.
Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. 
For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 50+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.
Andy Rooney

Pass this on to other fabulous women over 50 that you know!

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

The Five Rules of Writing Success

Robert A. Heinlein, the famous Science Fiction writer, always maintained that there are 5 rules for writing success.

1. You must write.
2. Finish what you start
3. Don't rewrite, except when an editor tells you to
4. You must put your story on the market
5. You must keep the story on the market until it sells

Science Fiction Writer, Robert J. Sawyer lists these rules on his blog, On Writing, and adds another rule of his own -- 6. Start working on something else.

He explains these rules in detail, plus points out why, out of 100 would-be-successful writers, only one will be successful. (for example, out of 100 writers, only 50 will actually write.  And less and less end up following the remaining rules to success.)
 Click on over to read his blog.

Friday, June 13, 2014

The Worst Ways to Begin Your Novel

Friday the 13th.
Mercury in Retrograde.
PLUS, it's a Full Moon.

Any one of these could mean something bad to some people -- but all THREE of them on one day?

--One friend lost his whole book draft.  The file is GONE. Gone. Gone. Gone.
--One friend's dog has been condemned to solitary confinement at Doggy Day Care and has to wear a red collar to warn people that he doesn't get along with the other dogs.
-- Many, many parents had to burn up, sitting under the hot sun, to watch their children graduate.  (Okay, maybe that's not a disaster -- but it was very, very hot.)

Well --
Here's one thing that you can do right today.
You can get the beginning of your story right.  Or at least learn to avoid The Worst Ways to Begin Your Novel.  Literary agents give advice at Chuck Sambuchino's blog. Check it out.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Word Count!

Writers always worry about word count. Do editors want picture books to be short, short, short these days? How long is too long?

Fret not, famous literary agent, Jennifer Laughran, otherwise known as Literiaticat when she writes in her blog, Jennifer Represents, to the rescue. Here she takes samples of all levels of children's literature and tells you how many words they have.  Compare your own writing to the masters and see if your story fits in the category you want to write for.  Click on over.