Sent to me from a friend:
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, "Close enough."
Retirement to-do list: Wake up. -- Nailed it!
People who wonder if the glass is half empty or half full miss the point -- the glass is refillable.
I don't have grey hair. I have wisdom highlights.
Sometimes it takes me all day to get nothing done.
I'd grow my own food if only I could find bacon seeds.
Common sense is not a gift. It's a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn't have it.
I came, I saw. I forgot what I was doing. Retraced my steps. Got lost on the way back. Now I have no idea what's going on.
If you can't think of a word, say, "I forgot the English word for it." That way people will think you're bilingual. instead of an idiot.
I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I missed my exit.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.
It's weird being the same age as old people.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be older... This is not what I expected.
Life is like a helicopter. I don't know how to operate a helicopter, either.
It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm and adult.
Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing/ dancing leads to slipping/ and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So, remember ... don't sing in the shower!
We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story anyway.